Last week I got two of those phone calls that momentarily define life for those of us who are sandwiched between the generation that gave us birth and the generation we gave birth to or take responsibility for.
-- At 6 AM my son called, “Mom, I’m sorry to wake you, but Stacey has to go the ER. Could you come over and watch the kids until we get back?” Of course I could.
-- Two days later, the Continuing Care facility where my mom lives a thousand miles away. "Your mom fell and broke her hip. Could you please come immediately for the surgery and for the follow-up decisions about her long-term care?" Of course I could.
Everyday I hear the stories of people like me who find themselves in the position of being in the It chair, sandwiched between who and where we came from and who and where we are going on our life journey.Many of you are It in the hugely demanding roles of full-time child care plus caring for aging or ill parents, or many other combinations of being the filling in your particular sandwich. One of the biggest questions we wrestle with is: When do I get to be the bread? Asked another way: How can I do it all, take care of those I love when needed and live fully into my own life?
-- Key #1: Attitude is the single most powerful tool on your key-chain. We take our attitudes for granted, can’t change them, they’re part of who we are. WRONG. They are key to how we work in the world. Take time to examine your attitudes and figure out if they hold you back or move you forward. Are they positive or negative?
-- Key #2: Choice is frequently overlooked in the sandwich. There is always the freedom of choice. Will you order the fat-loaded, calorie explosion on white bread? Or will you look for multi-grain with high flavor filling and lots of balanced healthiness? Regardless of how sandwiched you feel, you have the challenge to choose to change yourself and your attitudes. You are then in charge of the actions that follow.
-- Key #3: Boundaries are essential for healthy living and development in every area of life. Knowing when to say No, knowing when you have extended yourself as far as you can, knowing when to turn to others for support, knowing when to take a step back and recoup. You are not a victim no matter how needed you are. Respecting your boundaries and those of others is key in working well in your world and putting value where it belongs.
Sandwiches make great meals! Pile that bread high with the most delicious filling you can make and enjoy every bite. Stay focused on the 3 Keys and you can handle anything that comes your way . . . even mom, dad and the kids!
It; n., def., 1) the only one available, either by choice or physical reality, to meet the needs of significant people; 2) the one designated by family members to take charge; 3) the chosen one in a game to chase after others; syn., commander, gamester, cook, bottle-washer, overseer, chauffer, secretary, accountant, companion clown, arbiter, mediator, dresser, scheduler, advisor, visitor, housekeeper, financier, pray-er, etc. Life-Graduate Dictionary of Terms; (2008), J. Shula, ed;InYourDreams, Inc., Publisher: St. Louis*Blind River*Manila*Beijing*Bangkok*Madras*Sofia*Obervart*Nance*Stratford-on-Avon*Wauseon: pg. 232
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